did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
