i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize