Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
