I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
