Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Houston, we have a squirter
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Are we still banned from the library?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
