I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
