Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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