Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
