We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
