Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish i was in the wii world.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
