I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
