You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
