people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Sext me about skeletons
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
