I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
