you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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