Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
tell me about the eggs
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
