I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
