I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
