i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
