I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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