I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
