do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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