I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
