Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
