I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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