You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
