I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
