no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had to cum in my sink.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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