I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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