someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
