hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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