yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just had sex bonerless
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
