she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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