This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
