Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
