I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
