I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
