i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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