i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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