Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
