Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize