Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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