I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
