Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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