The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
