does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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