Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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