Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
