eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
