She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
