based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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