Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
