Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize