there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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