the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize