What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
two words: eviction party
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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