Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize