You're a womanizer and a bitch.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
