I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
