i already hear my dad disowning me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
