I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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