I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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