Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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