Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize