I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
