I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
