You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
