In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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