you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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