You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
