I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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